How Can You Come to Know Who You Are?

So today I have had two emails about how we can know who we are and how we can come to know who we are and I wanted to look at the connection between not knowing our true nature and depression, stress and anxiety. 

What is our true nature and why is it integral to our wellbeing? 

I think that we know at heart what the core of our nature is about. It is what we are drawn to most, what we are drawn towards even when we are far away from our true nature, what binds us together, what all pleasant feelings emanate from. I think and there is plenty of evidence to support this...that at the core of all of us is Love. It is what we seek in our connections, it is what we seek to have for ourselves, it is what we crave, it is what we feel most deeply when it is lost.

So if our true nature is love, how is this connected to feelings of stress, anxiety or depression? 

Because the flip side of the love coin is fear. Whenever we feel fear we are deciding to move away from our true nature and it doesn't feel good.

Examine any situation in which you have felt uncomfortable recently and look closely at what your actions were, what words you used to describe it, how you felt...somewhere in there, perhaps disguised as anger, or as hatred or as irritation there will be a fear at the core, a need that is not being met, a movement away from love.

It can be hard at first to see that fear may be at the heart of any uncomfortable feeling - we don't really like to acknowledge fear, far more agreeable to the ego is the idea that we are not afraid we are just really pissed off, we are not afraid we just really dislike someone...but the ego is just protecting us from the fact that actually - we feel fear.

Don't believe me? 

Have a go at this exercise below and see where it leads you:

1) Write down in brief a situation where you felt uncomfortable for any reason

2) Name the emotions that you connect to this situation and write them down

3) Take each of those emotions and look at what fear could be connected to it - some of our biggest underlying fears are fear of death, fear of failure, fear of change, fear that everything will stay the same, fear of loss of identity...however there are hundreds more! Which might have been the underlying fear for you, even if you did not experience the emotion of fear at the time?

Here is an example: 

I was deeply annoyed by a lady who cut me up in traffic the other day, she wasn't looking, she pulled straight out and didn't even acknowledge what she had done. I was pretty damn angry! When I look at this more deeply though I can see that my anger was born out of fear that I could have been harmed. I was afraid that I was not important enough for her to care about cutting me up and potentially hurting me, I was afraid that I would want to retaliate...there were actually lots of fears tied up in this one simple experience!!

So if everything we are comes down to choosing to either love or to fear in every situation how can we come to know more easily that love is the choice we really want to take deep down? How can we move out of fear without leaving ourselves more open to being hurt by our vulnerability? How can we learn to experience ourselves without fear? 

The following exercise can be very useful:

1) Remember a time when you felt incredibly loved, when you felt love for another with a purity that meant that there was no other emotion in your mind or body other than love.

2) When this feeling is really strong inside you stand up and hold that feeling throughout your whole body, give it a colour or an image and spread that colour or image throughout every part of you.

3) Imagine another version of yourself standing right in front of you. Imagine that this you is the most loving version of you could ever envisage. This is far from you being a walk over, this is you being so loving to yourself as well as others that you know that there is no other possible outcome for this version of you than to feel the power of being loved and so secure in that love that you know you can give it to every single person and situation without being harmed.

4) When this image is really strong, literally step forward into this version of yourself and see how great it feels.

There are a thousand ways to come to know who you are, meditation, mindfulness, gratitude....the idea behind all of them is that we choose love over fear...the only thing you really need to do is make a conscious choice every time as to which it is that you want to express in every moment.

Just a small snippet of how many great things can come from your life when you learn to heal the gap between love and fear...and begin to overcome depression, stress and anxiety. If you want to learn more have a look at my website or join my Facebook Group Positive Potential and get Coaching and Advice from some amazing people for free.

Love Nova xxx

Looking into the Mirror of Depression

Life is very clever...it sends us information all the time about what is going on for us and one of the quickest and clearest ways to understand that information is to look at what is going on externally in order to also understand our internal world.

This means that if you are struggling to understand why you are feeling depressed or what factors are keeping you in a state of depression you can look to your outside experiences for clues.

This is such a useful tool that I recommend it more than any other to my clients - if you want to understand yourself or your state of mind better, look to the outside world as a reflection of the inside and you will see the areas that are causing you pain. Once you know this you can choose to work on them or to change them - that is, to work on you and to change you.

Imagine your life as a huge mirror, imagine that every part of your life is a reflection of a part of you, that every interaction, every event, every person and everything you notice is in some way telling you something about yourself and examine it.

This is not as crazy as it sounds and it can be incredibly insightful for you if you are willing to use it as a tool.

Let me give you an example: 

You know that you are having the experience of depression and you are ready to move out of that and into another state of mind - perhaps this desire is reflected in your life by you wanting to move house, to change relationships, to explore another country or to take a weekend away. You are literally wanting to change state (i.e location) and your mind is telling you this through your desire to remove yourself from a situation you are in. It is, in reality yourself that you want to change but if you are unaware of this you can instead create the desire for change in another more recognisable way, by having the thoughts of 'I need to get away', 'I need space from this', 'I need a fresh start'.

Another example might be: 

You are experiencing a lot of conflict in your life with other people, it seems that wherever you go you are finding disagreement, separateness and isolation. This is more often than not an indication of an internal conflict in you, perhaps you are conflicted because you are feeling one thing and doing another or that you are not expressing yourself authentically - you are not being you.

Perhaps there is a sense of isolation because you are internally isolating a part of you that you do not like and ignoring it - that part of you that you don't like will also be reflected in the people you meet that you do not like - what you dislike in them is likely to be the same thing that you dislike about yourself and are ignoring or failing to deal with.

How are you experiencing those closest to you? 

Are those close to you acting distant or as though they don't care or that they are not listening to you anymore? Where are you not listening to yourself or others? Where are you not caring about yourself? What part of you have you become distant from?

What feels uncomfortable? 

When we are affected by the behaviour of another we are being shown a behaviour that we are uncomfortable with in ourselves. When we find someones behaviour unacceptable it is often because we are being shown where we need to step up - if someone is bullying you, where have you become the victim? Where are you the bully of your own life? When someone is confusing you with their 'now I love you, now I don't' behaviour where are you not being consistent in your own life and behaviours? When someone is not committed to you, where are you not committed to yourself?

Our lives are reflections of our thoughts and behaviours - what is being reflected to you? What does your mirror tell you about what might be going on on the inside? 

Try this Exercise and See what it can reveal to you!:

I like to get clients to pull a big sheet of paper and to draw a big mirror shape - then outside the mirror I ask them to write all the things that they have been annoyed by recently, all the things that have upset them, the people who they have not got on with, the events that have not gone to plan, the things they want to change etc. 

Then inside the mirror shape they take each of the statements on the outside and examine them again as though they were a reflection of themselves and ask that they consider what all the possibilities are for how this could be reflecting what is going on inside them. Even the things that at the moment they don't think are relevant. We then work together on building up a picture that shows them all that they needed to know...it is a very powerful process and results in a large number of 'lightbulb' moments! 

Worth a thought? 

For more support and insights into life, love and everything come and find your Positive Potential in the Facebook Group where you will find like minded people and where you can get lots of coaching and support for free by asking your questions to me! Come and join us now!

Love Nova xxx

Can we Ever Really Forgive and Forget Trauma - and Should We?

Our past is no longer there, it doesn't exist...but it is remembered. If our past's have been filled with memories that we struggle to comprehend or forgive, it can have a huge impact on our present and our projected ideas about the future.

What can we do when we are carrying around a bag full of memories that feel heavy and weigh us down to the extent that we are trapped in the belief that our past is so painful that we cannot let it go and it still harms us even now? Is there a way out? 

Yes, there is. The simple answer is that we have to be prepared to put the bag down, rifle through the memories it contains and decide which ones we want to keep because they are helpful (maybe because they taught us something very valuable about who we are and what we want) and which we want to leave behind. We need to stop reliving those memories, stop giving them power over us and put them firmly in their place - which is literally and metaphorically, behind us.

So why doesn't it feel this easy? 

Because even when something is behind us, we can still turn and look at it and if what we see is compelling enough we stop and stare, we keep staring and keep thinking because it is STILL THERE.

Short of finding a technique where our past is erased completely - and our minds do have such a function which is why trauma is sometimes deeply buried and 'forgotten', the most successful way of working with your past is to look at it and deal with it in a different way.

Sometimes though we don't want to look at it in a different way - we can have thoughts around whether 'forgiving and forgetting' is somehow 'allowing' an experience and making it 'right' which feels uncomfortable.

The first thing to know is that if you are finding it hard to let go of past memories or trauma or don't even want to, that's ok. I read things all the time - little well meaning quotes that say 'hey, just let the past go' but this can only be achieved if you truly want to do this and there are many reasons why a person may not want to - that's ok until it is not ok with YOU - it doesn't matter how many other people cannot understand why you are still haunted by the trauma, it is irrelevant. When YOU are ready or willing to take steps towards forgiveness (and maybe you never will want to) that is the time when the work can start.

So why might we feel like we never want to forgive or 'forget' a past experience that affects our life today even though the experience itself was long ago? 

Perhaps this example might help to explain it: Would it be 'right' for us to forgive and forget the Holocaust?

The pain of this event as a global society had to move forward in some way otherwise the generations of those involved that followed would forever more be punished for the sins of the fathers and this is not right either. However could we ever really allow ourselves to 'forget' or to find a positive in this experience and still feel comfortable with our own moral compass?

On the other hand....

Would you stop someone who had actually been through a trauma from moving on? Should the holocaust survivors not be allowed to move on or to reframe their experience incase this was taken as a sign towards their captures that what they did was ok? Viktor Frankl who I mentioned in my last post managed to draw a very important conclusion from his time in a concentration camp that no one is able to take away your freedom of thought - would we want him to only acknowledge the bad and see his book as a terrible sign that captures and torturers should be forgiven?

Perhaps the question then is not 'can I forget' but 'can I find a way to help myself feel better so I can still thrive and enjoy my life whilst also knowing that what happened to me was not ok'. 

Looking at the same issue of the holocaust... as a society, we are holding onto this experience as a great learning tool of how deep humanity can sink into behaviour that we are later deeply ashamed of - it pays to hold onto this experience because we want humanity to know that this will never be allowed to happen again.

Does it pay to hold onto this experience as an individual though? 

To judge the morality of forgiving and forgetting look at it as you would look upon the situation of someone you love. If your child/partner/mother/father etc went through a traumatic experience would you want them to feel that pain forever? No, of course not. If they were able to find something within the experience that helped them to feel better would you want to take that away from them and say 'hang on a minute, if you are planning on finding the good in this situation, don't you think that makes what happened ok?' Unlikely...You would probably feel that they had actually managed to achieve something very important - they had felt ok again despite what happened and that is something to celebrate and be happy about.

We need to have the same kind of compassion for ourselves. It is ok to let it go, it is a sign to yourself and an example to society as a whole that we do not have to accept being continually punished by an event or by behaviour that is no longer present. Even if it was YOUR behaviour that was traumatic to another forgiveness is an important step in ensuring the behaviour ends.

I realise that this presents another moral dilemma - should we be allowing those who are the perpetrators of traumatic events to forgive themselves? Do we want rapists and murderers to forgive themselves their behaviour and go on to lead happy lives? You'll have to examine that for yourself and come up with your own answers but for me I have to say that on one level at least, it is probably the only way that their behaviour might change...if they never get to a point where they examine themselves fully enough to put their damaging behaviour into the past and move into a new more positive behaviour and actually forgive themselves fully enough to let go of the anger or fear or hatred that began their damaging behaviour then doesn't that mean they will carry on doing the same thing?

So why might we decide to hold onto a past trauma and stay in that possibly extremely painful place for any longer than was absolutely necessary?  because we are afraid that if we forgive and forget we become vulnerable and it will happened again...it is a protection mechanism, we stay alert, we daren't make it seem less than it was or to look at the positives incase that increases our risk of inviting the same thing to happen again. 

What we need to analyse in order to stop trauma continually hurting us is whether moving forward or staying where we are will be the most beneficial overall - really examine the possible outcomes.

To move on from trauma we ask ourselves these questions as a starting point:

• If you forgive the event is it the same as forgiving the behaviour?
• What would forgiving mean for you?
• What would you have to DO in order to forgive?
• Which harms you more, to hold onto the trauma or to move through it?
• Which feels better - to stay where you are or to try another thought about what happened?
• Has the trauma shown you anything about yourself that feels really good? Did you become stronger for example, more determined?
• Have you closed down as  result of the trauma or has it allowed you to open up? What would you like it to have done?
• What would you say to others who are experiencing a similar trauma or who have done? What hope could you give to them?
• If you never experienced the trauma what would be different for you today do you think? The good and the bad.
• If you had your time again what would you do differently that might have affected the outcome? 
• What could you do right now that would be a step towards healing?
• Would you want to forget what happened? Why?
• What would forgiving give to you and what would it take away? Which is the better choice for you in terms of creating a happier life?

Can we ever really forgive and forget? Yes we can. Should we? That is up to you...which allows the best outcome for you? Will your life become 'better' or 'worse' if you forgive? Always move into the space which feels 'better', then keep moving into the next space that feels 'even better' than that...continual movement 'upwards' is the key. What does the best life for you look like? Move towards that.

• For continued support please join my facebook group Positive Potential here
• If you would like to have a free half an hour with me to talk more about anything that you are finding it hard to move on from please click here 
• My programme Positive Potential is designed to move your life forwards when you have become stuck in feelings of stress, anxiety or depression and you can find out more about it here

Love Nova xxx

Powerful Exercise to Unleash the Secrets of your Subconscious Inner Circle

Isolation and Loneliness are two major players in the world of mental well being. They can lead to depression without you even noticing sometimes. How can you combat this in a world where we spend a huge amount of time online and in front of a computer? 

The first thing you can do is to bring to the surface your thoughts and feelings about your Inner Circle and then making changes that will support you in your connections and relationships.

Who is in your inner circle and are you nurturing those relationships? 

Here is a simple and peaceful exercise to do to discover who is in your inner circle and what you are feeling about those relationships:

• Make a list of all the people who are in your life currently that you care about. This might be the best friend you only see twice a year but who is still on the end of the phone when you need them, it could be your family members, the person you have never met but who inspires you with their wisdom and their way of being...anyone who is a feature in your life..the good and the bad!

• Go outside and choose a stone, a leaf, a twig....anything you like from nature that you feel in some way represents a person in your inner circle. Think carefully about your choices but don't analyse them at this stage.

• Choose a representation of YOU - a stone that somehow calls to you, a shell, a seed, a flower...whatever  you like. 

• Once you have collected all your representations bring them back inside. Place the representation of you in the centre of an imaginary circle.

• Place all the other 'people' around you wherever you feel is right to put them without thinking too much about it.

Now take a really good look at what you see in front of you. Take each 'person' in turn and note down why you choose that stone/leaf etc to represent them. Is it a dark coloured sharp stone? What does that tell you about the person? Is it a soft, delicate leaf? Why might you have chosen that?

Write down all your observations under their name on a piece of paper.

Now take a look at 'you', examine your representation of yourself in the same way and note down your observations.

Lastly, examine where you have chosen to place each item in relation to you and in relation to each other. What do you notice? Have you placed some very close to you and others further away? Is one object blocking the path of another? What might that mean? Are there some who were placed further away than you consciously might have expected? Are some closer to one another than they are to you?

Really LOOK, really examine what you have represented here because it will tell you a lot about how you are feeling about your inner circle.

Did you discover that you have more people close to you than you thought?
Who would you like to bring closer to you?
Who is so close that they are suffocating?
Who is missing from the inner circle that you would like to be there?

Move things around and see how it feels...bring certain 'people' closer and move others further away. How does it feel now? Better? Less comfortable than you expected? Write down all your observations.

Move everyone into the places that feel the most comfortable to you, the inner circle that you really desire to have. Bring in more objects to represent people you haven't even met yet and place them where you would like them to be.

This is your Inner Circle Goal. Take a photo of it and make a note of the changes that you would like to bring about.

Once you have played with this idea for a while start to think of ways that you can achieve your ideal inner circle by writing down all the actions that would bring you closer to this...as many as you can...make a huge list of ideas!

Each day try to take an action that will bring your ideal inner circle to life.

This is a really powerful exercise and I use this and more in my Positive Potential 10 week programme. If you would like a FREE 30 min session with me to discover more about yourself and how to free yourself from stressful thoughts and feelings please book a time to have your session here

Love Nova xxx

What Causes Depression and is Knowing the Cause Important?

We all have basic needs as humans and if one of these is not being met it can collapse the foundations of who we are and leave us in disarray and feeling unsafe - a major cause of depression.

What are our basic human needs?

According to Maslow and the Hierarchy of Needs we all need the basics to be covered first - these are the needs of the body - to be clothed, fed, in reasonable health and functioning as we should at a Physiological level.

After this is covered we need to feel safe, then to feel loved and as though we belong, then to love ourselves and feel we are worthwhile and then to take this to the highest level of needs which is to feel that we are 'self actualised' that we are moral, creative beings who are happily creating our lives as we want them to be.

The problem comes when one of these areas is either not being fulfilled or that we are unable to view them as being fulfilled (even if others would think that we DO already possess these things).

Depression often originates at the safety level (although it can also stem from any of the levels at any time if we are not aware of our own triggers). This means that Depression is usually triggered by an event or thoughts that threatens our sense of safety - even if that is only recognised on a subconscious level and even if that sense of safety is not literally being threatened (there is no gun to your head but you still feel afraid for example).

When we have a lack of money, when our job has changed, when we have a new baby or a new relationship, when we have a relationship breakdown, when we move house, when we experience changes to our health - these are all common times at which we can perceive our safety as being threatened temporarily or (depending on how robust the others levels of our life currently are) we may even see safety as being absent completely. This is scary and it leads to scary thoughts that start off a downwards spiral that we need to catch quickly and turn around if depression is to be avoided. This is why those who think positively (either because they always do that or because they have learnt the skill and art of practising this regularly) are less likely to experience depression - they stop the downwards spiral quickly and naturally through various means and various behaviours. 

But what about if none of the above applies to you? Firstly it is important to check whether they are no longer an issue but were still the trigger for the initial emotional changes that led to depression (I cover that later on in the post) and secondly it may be that Depression has been triggered at a different level and we can look at that more now...

As previously mentioned depression can occur when any of the levels in the hierarchy are missing or any element of each level. Have a look at the common triggers for depression below and try to identify where it may have stemmed from...remember that often if depression has been there for a while there can be a whole chain of events that is triggered after the first trigger...what may have started as a sense of isolation may have led to a lack of self esteem, a lack of spontaneity, anger and blame etc, what we are looking for is the initial trigger that started the depression.

Have a look at the list but look at it from the point of view of when the depression FIRST occurred. Think back to when you felt ok and try to ask yourself what happened just before things changed for you...this is your initial trigger.

The common reasons for depression occurring are as follows:

• Loneliness and Isolation 
• Blame and Anger 
• Lack of Control 
• Criticism of self or others
• Complaining & Focusing on the negative 
• Comparison to others 
• Overexposure to negativity 
• No direction, lack of meaningful goals
• Giving in to fear
• Failure to be 'in the moment' - living in the past or the predicted future
• Lack of social support
• Recent stressful events
• Family history of depression
• Relationship problems
• Financial strain
• Childhood trauma or abuse
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Unemployment, underemployment or changing jobs/roles
• Health problems or chronic pain
• Recently quitting smoking
• Death of a loved one
• Inability to effectively deal with stress

You can see from this list that they all refer to a human need that is not being met - in order to feel better you need to meet the need that is missing and this is why knowing the cause can be extremely helpful. You need to know what you are missing before you can fill the gap.

There are of course, some needs that cannot be met in the usual way - for example if depression is as a result of grief, sadly you cannot meet the need of having that person back. The depression will in time and with the right support, give way to a different emotion and many people in this situation divert their depression by putting all their energy into something new that in some way or another that is right for them feels better than the emotions they felt before - perhaps by fundraising, helping others, living life differently etc. I am covering this briefly here not because I don't care about this or think it is not worthy of covering in more depth but because I cannot give it justice in such a short space...if this is something you would like to explore further or get some support with please contact me or look for local support services in your area.

The majority of the time though the causes of Depression can be worked with relatively quickly and easily if you are willing to move forward.

Knowing the cause is the first step, taking action to ensure things change is the next step.

What has been the cause of depression for you? Can you identify it? Is it helpful to you to know this initial cause? What action can you take to address the missing factors in your hierarchy? Do you need some help to identify what changed for you?

To join in the discussion at Positive Potential, the facebook group for those who both support those with depression, anxiety and stress and who explore the issues in a safe place please click on the link and ask to join.

Positive Potential is a self development programme that aims to end depression, stress and anxiety with my support and lots of helpful materials. If you would like to find out more about the different levels of support available please click here.

Love Nova xxx

The Beast that is Depression and how to Tame it

When I had post natal depression I could describe it no other way than to say that it was as though my world had fallen apart inside me.

My logical brain was locked in battle with my depression brain which told me a completely different story to the one that I knew I should be telling myself.

It wasn't helped by comments like 'yeah but you haven't got it as bad as some people have' or 'well you seem fine to me'...of course I SEEM fine I'm doing that for YOU, I'm being FINE so that you don't see the world of sadness that I live in and move away from me.

It's hard in some ways to recall the feelings that I had, I've never had them again with the same force as before...I get 'twinges' now and again but I recognise them now and I do something about them damn quick because what I do know is that I never want to feel that way again.

I remember the fog...the loss of meaning...the loss of hope...the grief over no longer being 'me' or the me I knew before. I remember the feeling that I wished with all my might that I would wake up the next day and feel better again and the resignation when I didn't.

I remember the guilt too because I had this amazing baby, this beautiful boy who slept well, who ate well, who was well and who continues to this day to be completely incredible...how could I, how could I feel so down when I had him in my life? It felt like a total betrayal, I was betraying him to feel that way when he was so wonderful...would he know I felt that way? Would he blame me or feel that in some way he was to blame? Why couldn't I just feel elated and happy and normal and safe?

There were several factors at play for me that pre-disposed me to PND:

• The first was that I had got pregnant (all planned and wanted) very early into a relationship with someone much older who I actually wasn't that sure about.

• I wasn't near any friends or family, I was very isolated and lonely.

• I knew in my heart of hearts that the man I was engaged to was not going to marry me and I was already feeling rejected and hurt by that.

• I had a fairly traumatic birth (my son came out back to back, his umbilical cord was tied in a knot and they had to suddenly get him out very quickly).

• I was still quite young and overwhelmed (I was 24 and I didn't know any other mothers my age).

• We moved to another country soon after my son was born and I was even more isolated.

So what helped me get better?

1) Talking every single day to someone who cared and didn't mind if I had very little to say (my mum called every day).

2) Focusing on helping other mums in the same situation I was in (I started a magazine so that other mums who were feeling lonely could connect and read articles and find out where local groups were running).

3) Forcing myself to exercise every day - a walk with the pram, doing a yoga DVD whilst my son slept, anything I could.

4) My NCT group...although I often felt just as alone when I was with them I met up with them every week and every week I would feel a little bit better.

5) Focusing on how much I loved my child, focusing on making him laugh and smile (because that made me laugh and smile), focusing on his fingers around mine, focus, focus, focus...being just in the moment.

6) Sorting out my diet - I ate less sugar, drank more green tea, took a seaweed supplement and ate less at each meal so I didn't feel too full (that gave me less energy).

7) Never acknowledging that depression had a hold...I always just looked to feeling better and placed my attention on that.

8) Wise words from a friend that I repeated like a mantra 'this too will pass' (it did).

9) Listening to music - loudly and only upbeat music!

10) Meditation - I didn't get it at first, I didn't see the point or feel I had the time. After a while I made the time - I took my son to a childminder for an hour twice a week and used that hour to meditate and feel good again...after a while the meditation turned into the most amazing experience, I still have never felt the same depth of joy as I did after one particular meditation session...It was pretty magical!

Have you ever experienced depression? What helped you? What 'brought you back'? 

If you would like to join my Facebook Group Positive Potential where we support those with Stress, Anxiety and Depression and exchange ideas on how to improve the wellbeing of humans in general, please click the link and ask to join (anyone can join by the way...it's a closed group because I wanted to ensure that anything shared there is not seen publicly, only by the group).

If you would like to find out more about how my Coaching and Psychotherapy services might be able to help you or someone you know, please visit my website Love Living

Love Nova xxx

Can Life Coaching Help Depression?

 

'I can't explain it, I just feel like my world has fallen apart'

These were the words I kept uttering when I had Post Natal Depression. I was able to function through the normal things in life, I still cared for my lovely baby, I still got up and got dressed, I still talked to people but I felt empty inside. It was a huge effort just to exist and I didn't know why I had this feeling that had shut off all light and joy in my world...there was no reason. This lack of a reason made it all the more frustrating to me although I could hardly muster up the energy to feel annoyed by it...it was just there, all the time.

I didn't know what to do to feel better and now I get asked as a Coach 'Can life coaching help depression?'

There are many forms of Depression and they can feel very similar to feelings of Grief and Loss and often in some way they are connected to this, even if at first it is not easy to see why or to attach the feeling of loss to anything in particular.

It takes a lot to work through Depression (it is most definitely 'work') and there are many ways in which this can be achieved depending on the type of person you are and the level at which your depression sits. It also depends upon the resources you have available at your disposal (sadly).

 This post though is not to look at all the ways in which Depression can be helped (maybe a later post will look into this in more detail) or the different types of Depression and how they manifest. This post will concentrate on whether Life Coaching can help with Depression - it is specifically for those with Depression (or feelings of pervasive sadness and low mood) who are already asking that question (in which case the answer is almost always 'yes') or for those who are Coaches and want to find the answer in order to best advise their clients as to whether they can help. 

For many people Life Coaching techniques are an excellent way to move past Depression - because they are forward focused and anchored firmly in the present they can quickly break the cycle and leave the client with some invaluable insights and tools that can be used again and again to form new behaviours, ways of thinking and solutions.

Recent research has shown that Mindfulness techniques are EQUALLY as good as a two year course of Antidepressants when it comes to effectiveness. See the link here for more information on this study
This is because Mindfulness focuses on the present and keeps a person in the here and now, it also gives you the tools (when combined with CBT) to acknowledge that negative thoughts are a normal part of life and shows you how to be in control of these rather than to spiral into negative thinking overwhelm.

The great news is that Coaching is all based in the here and now and very often many practitioners will use Mindfulness techniques within their repertoire of skills, especially with a client who comes with the issue of Depression.

So what does Coaching do that can help with Depression? 

• It gives you clear and manageable steps towards a new way of thinking that focuses on the positive rather than the negative.

• It creates big shifts internally through clarity and definition that then have a hugely influential effect on how you think and feel.

• It helps you to recognise blind spots and challenges some of your current thinking in a compassionate way.

• It helps you regain motivation and rediscover what you really want from your life and then works on a clear map of how to get you there in a measurable and tangible way.

• It gives you purpose again, shows you how to regain meaning and reminds you of what is truly important to you as an individual.

• It brings enjoyment back into your life and helps you celebrate the victories

The disclaimer here is that you should always consult with a GP if you feel depressed, Coaching is in no way a medical intervention and should not be seen as such. Coaches are not medically trained (unless they state that they are). If you are in any way concerned about yourself or someone you know and feel they may harm themselves you should ALWAYS seek medical advice before anything else.

If you are concerned about Depression or need to check the severity of your Depression there is a test you can take from the NHS in the UK which you can link to here (scroll right to the bottom of the page to access it).

That said, Coaching, although not the only answer and not the answer that suits everyone, can be a very effective way of dealing with Depression.

If you would like to arrange to speak to me further about how Love Living Coaching can help you with Depression please arrange a free consultation via this link or by emailing me on: info@lovelivingevents.co.uk 

I have a very useful tool that may also help which you can download here called

 'Your Ultimate Journey to Dazzling Self Respect'

Love Nova xxx