Powerful Exercise to Unleash the Secrets of your Subconscious Inner Circle

Isolation and Loneliness are two major players in the world of mental well being. They can lead to depression without you even noticing sometimes. How can you combat this in a world where we spend a huge amount of time online and in front of a computer? 

The first thing you can do is to bring to the surface your thoughts and feelings about your Inner Circle and then making changes that will support you in your connections and relationships.

Who is in your inner circle and are you nurturing those relationships? 

Here is a simple and peaceful exercise to do to discover who is in your inner circle and what you are feeling about those relationships:

• Make a list of all the people who are in your life currently that you care about. This might be the best friend you only see twice a year but who is still on the end of the phone when you need them, it could be your family members, the person you have never met but who inspires you with their wisdom and their way of being...anyone who is a feature in your life..the good and the bad!

• Go outside and choose a stone, a leaf, a twig....anything you like from nature that you feel in some way represents a person in your inner circle. Think carefully about your choices but don't analyse them at this stage.

• Choose a representation of YOU - a stone that somehow calls to you, a shell, a seed, a flower...whatever  you like. 

• Once you have collected all your representations bring them back inside. Place the representation of you in the centre of an imaginary circle.

• Place all the other 'people' around you wherever you feel is right to put them without thinking too much about it.

Now take a really good look at what you see in front of you. Take each 'person' in turn and note down why you choose that stone/leaf etc to represent them. Is it a dark coloured sharp stone? What does that tell you about the person? Is it a soft, delicate leaf? Why might you have chosen that?

Write down all your observations under their name on a piece of paper.

Now take a look at 'you', examine your representation of yourself in the same way and note down your observations.

Lastly, examine where you have chosen to place each item in relation to you and in relation to each other. What do you notice? Have you placed some very close to you and others further away? Is one object blocking the path of another? What might that mean? Are there some who were placed further away than you consciously might have expected? Are some closer to one another than they are to you?

Really LOOK, really examine what you have represented here because it will tell you a lot about how you are feeling about your inner circle.

Did you discover that you have more people close to you than you thought?
Who would you like to bring closer to you?
Who is so close that they are suffocating?
Who is missing from the inner circle that you would like to be there?

Move things around and see how it feels...bring certain 'people' closer and move others further away. How does it feel now? Better? Less comfortable than you expected? Write down all your observations.

Move everyone into the places that feel the most comfortable to you, the inner circle that you really desire to have. Bring in more objects to represent people you haven't even met yet and place them where you would like them to be.

This is your Inner Circle Goal. Take a photo of it and make a note of the changes that you would like to bring about.

Once you have played with this idea for a while start to think of ways that you can achieve your ideal inner circle by writing down all the actions that would bring you closer to this...as many as you can...make a huge list of ideas!

Each day try to take an action that will bring your ideal inner circle to life.

This is a really powerful exercise and I use this and more in my Positive Potential 10 week programme. If you would like a FREE 30 min session with me to discover more about yourself and how to free yourself from stressful thoughts and feelings please book a time to have your session here

Love Nova xxx

The Feeling of Disconnection (and what to do to feel connected once again)

We all have times where we feel disconnected from the world around us, when we don't feel like we fit in to our lives anymore. When colleagues at work are no longer on our wave length or when we are reaching out for something different but have not yet found people of a similar mindset to connect with.

It can leave us feeling lonely and wondering if there is anyone who really 'gets' us anymore. When we change the people around us can suddenly appear to be estranged and that leaves us without a sense of belonging and the disconnection is deepened.

So when and why does disconnection occur? There are two MAIN (not the only), reasons why a feeling of disconnection can occur...

1) The most common reason for this is that your circumstances have changed. 

This can be a great thing sometimes...but it can feel strange, like you are entering a new world and leaving an old one but neither quite 'fits' where you are right now. A feeling of being between worlds is disconcerting like moving to a new area or new job but not knowing anyone yet. You are keen to meet the locals, to make friends, to fit in with everyone who seems to have known each other forever, you know it will happen over time but it is not there quite yet. You are the outsider and it feels very different to what you were used to in your previous job/community/family/life. You may have changed for many different reasons - a divorce, a death, loss of financial stability, having a baby, getting married, moving house, learning a new skill, even just opening up to a new way of thinking can temporarily make you feel disconnected.

2) The second reason is that maybe you have changed.

Perhaps you grew up in a community that knew you for being the rogue teenager and now that you are an adult with a serious job or a different set of beliefs you no longer feel like you can be accepted for the 'new' you. You are held back by your previous reputation or by the way people have seen you in the past. Perhaps you used to hide parts of who you are but now you are ready to accept them and integrate them but you feel that others would not be so accepting, they may laugh, they may not want to be your friend anymore, you may not even want them to be your friends anymore either. Perhaps you have changed because you have a child and most of your friends are not ready for babies yet, or maybe you had a baby older than them and their children are all much older? It could even be something like you have lost a lot of weight and no longer feel that you are supported because people are suddenly jealous of you, perhaps you got a great job and went into a different pay bracket and others are not as happy for you as you thought they might be?

Staying in a state of disconnection can lead to depression and anxiety, perhaps you are already there and want to know how to get out of it again - So what can you do about any of these reasons for disconnection and how can you reconnect with life and feel that joy and deep sense of belonging in life again? 

Here are my top tips for recreating a sense of connection with the world again. I know that once you are feeling disconnected it can take enormous effort to undertake any suggestion at all and you might even wonder whether it is worth it, whether you are worth it...but feeling good again is ABSOLUTELY worth the effort (even if you really have to force yourself - go on be tough on yourself and have a word).

• Remember that you are not the only one. We all go through times of feeling disconnected, some more than others but even the most confident of people, the most self assured, go through times of feeling like they are essentially alone or that they don't quite fit into their own life. You may not see it but you are absolutely not the only person feeling this way right now (far from it).
• Release some Oxytocin - this is our feel good hormone and when levels are low it can create a feeling of general 'God this is shit and so am I'. To increase your levels of Oxytocin couldn't be easier...hugging, sex, laughing, exercise, looking at someone you love, feeling the grass under your feet and remembering the present moment is all you have and need, play fighting, dancing around to loud music...whatever makes you feel good is going to release Oxytocin and whatever releases Oxytocin will make you feel good.
• Write it down or talk it out. Sometimes its better out than in...just the act of scribbling your thoughts down (however messy, silly or shouty they come out) can help to get the thoughts into a new perspective and just out of your head. You can then either keep it, analyse it, burn it or forget it. It's not important what you do with it, just get it out of your head and find a way of expressing how you are feeling. Talk to someone, tell someone how you are feeling, even if it's in an online group you belong to - watch how many others are feeling just the same way too. 
• Remember nothing lasts. That feeling of disconnection will not last, it can't because you are not really ever disconnected. You are the water droplet that makes up the wave, you cannot ever really be apart you can only mis-remember and feel like you are..but that won't always be the case...it will pass.
• Get out and about. Go for a drive, phone a friend, go for a walk, talk to someone new, join a new group, volunteer, offer to help the neighbours, post something helpful online, reach out...reach out for a hand and be willing to be the help that reaches out to another...we all need that...every last one of us. 
• Look for inspiration. What has helped you in the past when you have felt this way? What has been unhelpful? What does your heart tell you to do? What does your heart tell you you are missing and how can you go about finding that? What book catches your eye? What kind of new person would you like to meet? Inspire your imagination, feel excited about what this feeling can bring you in terms of new inspiration.
•  You are not lost, you are hiding. Don't hide who you are, if you have changed then that's ok, if your circumstances have changed that's ok too - it's ok because it is so, what you do next is the key. The moment you stop hiding you are no longer lost.

If you need someone to talk to, to find a way to feel connected again, to reach out and ask for help then please know that you can have a discovery call with me for free. Maybe you will decide it's not for you, that's ok, but in the meantime it might really help and it won't cost you a thing. It's 30 mins of just you and me, looking at where you are and where you want to be. The link below takes you to a page where you can book a slot online or email me to find out more and/or book your slot. Don't keep your happiness waiting...

Book a Discovery Call

 Love Nova xxx