We all have times where we feel disconnected from the world around us, when we don't feel like we fit in to our lives anymore. When colleagues at work are no longer on our wave length or when we are reaching out for something different but have not yet found people of a similar mindset to connect with.
It can leave us feeling lonely and wondering if there is anyone who really 'gets' us anymore. When we change the people around us can suddenly appear to be estranged and that leaves us without a sense of belonging and the disconnection is deepened.
So when and why does disconnection occur? There are two MAIN (not the only), reasons why a feeling of disconnection can occur...
1) The most common reason for this is that your circumstances have changed.
This can be a great thing sometimes...but it can feel strange, like you are entering a new world and leaving an old one but neither quite 'fits' where you are right now. A feeling of being between worlds is disconcerting like moving to a new area or new job but not knowing anyone yet. You are keen to meet the locals, to make friends, to fit in with everyone who seems to have known each other forever, you know it will happen over time but it is not there quite yet. You are the outsider and it feels very different to what you were used to in your previous job/community/family/life. You may have changed for many different reasons - a divorce, a death, loss of financial stability, having a baby, getting married, moving house, learning a new skill, even just opening up to a new way of thinking can temporarily make you feel disconnected.
2) The second reason is that maybe you have changed.
Perhaps you grew up in a community that knew you for being the rogue teenager and now that you are an adult with a serious job or a different set of beliefs you no longer feel like you can be accepted for the 'new' you. You are held back by your previous reputation or by the way people have seen you in the past. Perhaps you used to hide parts of who you are but now you are ready to accept them and integrate them but you feel that others would not be so accepting, they may laugh, they may not want to be your friend anymore, you may not even want them to be your friends anymore either. Perhaps you have changed because you have a child and most of your friends are not ready for babies yet, or maybe you had a baby older than them and their children are all much older? It could even be something like you have lost a lot of weight and no longer feel that you are supported because people are suddenly jealous of you, perhaps you got a great job and went into a different pay bracket and others are not as happy for you as you thought they might be?
Staying in a state of disconnection can lead to depression and anxiety, perhaps you are already there and want to know how to get out of it again - So what can you do about any of these reasons for disconnection and how can you reconnect with life and feel that joy and deep sense of belonging in life again?
Here are my top tips for recreating a sense of connection with the world again. I know that once you are feeling disconnected it can take enormous effort to undertake any suggestion at all and you might even wonder whether it is worth it, whether you are worth it...but feeling good again is ABSOLUTELY worth the effort (even if you really have to force yourself - go on be tough on yourself and have a word).
- Remember that you are not the only one. We all go through times of feeling disconnected, some more than others but even the most confident of people, the most self assured, go through times of feeling like they are essentially alone or that they don't quite fit into their own life. You may not see it but you are absolutely not the only person feeling this way right now (far from it).
- Release some Oxytocin - this is our feel good hormone and when levels are low it can create a feeling of general 'God this is shit and so am I'. To increase your levels of Oxytocin couldn't be easier...hugging, sex, laughing, exercise, looking at someone you love, feeling the grass under your feet and remembering the present moment is all you have and need, play fighting, dancing around to loud music...whatever makes you feel good is going to release Oxytocin and whatever releases Oxytocin will make you feel good.
- Write it down or talk it out. Sometimes its better out than in...just the act of scribbling your thoughts down (however messy, silly or shouty they come out) can help to get the thoughts into a new perspective and just out of your head. You can then either keep it, analyse it, burn it or forget it. It's not important what you do with it, just get it out of your head and find a way of expressing how you are feeling. Talk to someone, tell someone how you are feeling, even if it's in an online group you belong to - watch how many others are feeling just the same way too.
- Remember nothing lasts. That feeling of disconnection will not last, it can't because you are not really ever disconnected. You are the water droplet that makes up the wave, you cannot ever really be apart you can only mis-remember and feel like you are..but that won't always be the case...it will pass.
- Get out and about. Go for a drive, phone a friend, go for a walk, talk to someone new, join a new group, volunteer, offer to help the neighbours, post something helpful online, reach out...reach out for a hand and be willing to be the help that reaches out to another...we all need that...every last one of us.
- Look for inspiration. What has helped you in the past when you have felt this way? What has been unhelpful? What does your heart tell you to do? What does your heart tell you you are missing and how can you go about finding that? What book catches your eye? What kind of new person would you like to meet? Inspire your imagination, feel excited about what this feeling can bring you in terms of new inspiration.
- You are not lost, you are hiding. Don't hide who you are, if you have changed then that's ok, if your circumstances have changed that's ok too - it's ok because it is so, what you do next is the key. The moment you stop hiding you are no longer lost.
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