The Beast that is Depression and how to Tame it

When I had post natal depression I could describe it no other way than to say that it was as though my world had fallen apart inside me.

My logical brain was locked in battle with my depression brain which told me a completely different story to the one that I knew I should be telling myself.

It wasn't helped by comments like 'yeah but you haven't got it as bad as some people have' or 'well you seem fine to me'...of course I SEEM fine I'm doing that for YOU, I'm being FINE so that you don't see the world of sadness that I live in and move away from me.

It's hard in some ways to recall the feelings that I had, I've never had them again with the same force as before...I get 'twinges' now and again but I recognise them now and I do something about them damn quick because what I do know is that I never want to feel that way again.

I remember the fog...the loss of meaning...the loss of hope...the grief over no longer being 'me' or the me I knew before. I remember the feeling that I wished with all my might that I would wake up the next day and feel better again and the resignation when I didn't.

I remember the guilt too because I had this amazing baby, this beautiful boy who slept well, who ate well, who was well and who continues to this day to be completely incredible...how could I, how could I feel so down when I had him in my life? It felt like a total betrayal, I was betraying him to feel that way when he was so wonderful...would he know I felt that way? Would he blame me or feel that in some way he was to blame? Why couldn't I just feel elated and happy and normal and safe?

There were several factors at play for me that pre-disposed me to PND:

• The first was that I had got pregnant (all planned and wanted) very early into a relationship with someone much older who I actually wasn't that sure about.

• I wasn't near any friends or family, I was very isolated and lonely.

• I knew in my heart of hearts that the man I was engaged to was not going to marry me and I was already feeling rejected and hurt by that.

• I had a fairly traumatic birth (my son came out back to back, his umbilical cord was tied in a knot and they had to suddenly get him out very quickly).

• I was still quite young and overwhelmed (I was 24 and I didn't know any other mothers my age).

• We moved to another country soon after my son was born and I was even more isolated.

So what helped me get better?

1) Talking every single day to someone who cared and didn't mind if I had very little to say (my mum called every day).

2) Focusing on helping other mums in the same situation I was in (I started a magazine so that other mums who were feeling lonely could connect and read articles and find out where local groups were running).

3) Forcing myself to exercise every day - a walk with the pram, doing a yoga DVD whilst my son slept, anything I could.

4) My NCT group...although I often felt just as alone when I was with them I met up with them every week and every week I would feel a little bit better.

5) Focusing on how much I loved my child, focusing on making him laugh and smile (because that made me laugh and smile), focusing on his fingers around mine, focus, focus, focus...being just in the moment.

6) Sorting out my diet - I ate less sugar, drank more green tea, took a seaweed supplement and ate less at each meal so I didn't feel too full (that gave me less energy).

7) Never acknowledging that depression had a hold...I always just looked to feeling better and placed my attention on that.

8) Wise words from a friend that I repeated like a mantra 'this too will pass' (it did).

9) Listening to music - loudly and only upbeat music!

10) Meditation - I didn't get it at first, I didn't see the point or feel I had the time. After a while I made the time - I took my son to a childminder for an hour twice a week and used that hour to meditate and feel good again...after a while the meditation turned into the most amazing experience, I still have never felt the same depth of joy as I did after one particular meditation session...It was pretty magical!

Have you ever experienced depression? What helped you? What 'brought you back'? 

If you would like to join my Facebook Group Positive Potential where we support those with Stress, Anxiety and Depression and exchange ideas on how to improve the wellbeing of humans in general, please click the link and ask to join (anyone can join by the way...it's a closed group because I wanted to ensure that anything shared there is not seen publicly, only by the group).

If you would like to find out more about how my Coaching and Psychotherapy services might be able to help you or someone you know, please visit my website Love Living

Love Nova xxx

Can Life Coaching Help Depression?

 

'I can't explain it, I just feel like my world has fallen apart'

These were the words I kept uttering when I had Post Natal Depression. I was able to function through the normal things in life, I still cared for my lovely baby, I still got up and got dressed, I still talked to people but I felt empty inside. It was a huge effort just to exist and I didn't know why I had this feeling that had shut off all light and joy in my world...there was no reason. This lack of a reason made it all the more frustrating to me although I could hardly muster up the energy to feel annoyed by it...it was just there, all the time.

I didn't know what to do to feel better and now I get asked as a Coach 'Can life coaching help depression?'

There are many forms of Depression and they can feel very similar to feelings of Grief and Loss and often in some way they are connected to this, even if at first it is not easy to see why or to attach the feeling of loss to anything in particular.

It takes a lot to work through Depression (it is most definitely 'work') and there are many ways in which this can be achieved depending on the type of person you are and the level at which your depression sits. It also depends upon the resources you have available at your disposal (sadly).

 This post though is not to look at all the ways in which Depression can be helped (maybe a later post will look into this in more detail) or the different types of Depression and how they manifest. This post will concentrate on whether Life Coaching can help with Depression - it is specifically for those with Depression (or feelings of pervasive sadness and low mood) who are already asking that question (in which case the answer is almost always 'yes') or for those who are Coaches and want to find the answer in order to best advise their clients as to whether they can help. 

For many people Life Coaching techniques are an excellent way to move past Depression - because they are forward focused and anchored firmly in the present they can quickly break the cycle and leave the client with some invaluable insights and tools that can be used again and again to form new behaviours, ways of thinking and solutions.

Recent research has shown that Mindfulness techniques are EQUALLY as good as a two year course of Antidepressants when it comes to effectiveness. See the link here for more information on this study
This is because Mindfulness focuses on the present and keeps a person in the here and now, it also gives you the tools (when combined with CBT) to acknowledge that negative thoughts are a normal part of life and shows you how to be in control of these rather than to spiral into negative thinking overwhelm.

The great news is that Coaching is all based in the here and now and very often many practitioners will use Mindfulness techniques within their repertoire of skills, especially with a client who comes with the issue of Depression.

So what does Coaching do that can help with Depression? 

• It gives you clear and manageable steps towards a new way of thinking that focuses on the positive rather than the negative.

• It creates big shifts internally through clarity and definition that then have a hugely influential effect on how you think and feel.

• It helps you to recognise blind spots and challenges some of your current thinking in a compassionate way.

• It helps you regain motivation and rediscover what you really want from your life and then works on a clear map of how to get you there in a measurable and tangible way.

• It gives you purpose again, shows you how to regain meaning and reminds you of what is truly important to you as an individual.

• It brings enjoyment back into your life and helps you celebrate the victories

The disclaimer here is that you should always consult with a GP if you feel depressed, Coaching is in no way a medical intervention and should not be seen as such. Coaches are not medically trained (unless they state that they are). If you are in any way concerned about yourself or someone you know and feel they may harm themselves you should ALWAYS seek medical advice before anything else.

If you are concerned about Depression or need to check the severity of your Depression there is a test you can take from the NHS in the UK which you can link to here (scroll right to the bottom of the page to access it).

That said, Coaching, although not the only answer and not the answer that suits everyone, can be a very effective way of dealing with Depression.

If you would like to arrange to speak to me further about how Love Living Coaching can help you with Depression please arrange a free consultation via this link or by emailing me on: info@lovelivingevents.co.uk 

I have a very useful tool that may also help which you can download here called

 'Your Ultimate Journey to Dazzling Self Respect'

Love Nova xxx