When I was at University doing my Psychology degree, my final year project was an in-depth study of the Benefits of Believing. It looked at whether people who went to church and therefore presumably had a belief in a God of their choosing, received any tangible benefits.
The ultimate conclusion to this study was that churchgoers benefited from regular social interaction with a group of people who shared the same beliefs. It was the
social aspect of going to church that increased their levels of happiness rather than their belief. Having said that though, the study also showed that having
a belief in anything at all (not just God, I gathered results from atheists and agnostics too) was of benefit to the believer because of the sense of identity it gave you and it's ability to help you identify with others (and integrate with a social group who have a common interest) and find your place in the world.
Having people around you that you identify with and can form your social circle is key to happiness and health. If you think about your social circle you will find that generally the people in it are there because they shared something in common with you. There may be the social circle that you went to school with, the group of parents who have children the same age as yours in common, the people you do Zumba with on a Wednesday evening, the people from work....you generally all have a common interest that you share that binds the group together in some way.
In his book 'Outliers', Malcolm Gladwell recounts the interesting study that looked in the town of Roseto in Pennsylvania. This community of Italians who had relocated to America had an astonishingly low statistic for the incidence of Heart Disease, way below average and Doctors and Physicians were keen to understand why. They looked at a number of factors to see what made the difference and came to an interesting conclusion as you can see in this extract from the book:
'What Wolf slowly realized was that the secret of Roseto wasn't diet
or exercise or genes or the region where Roseto was situated. It had to be the Roseto itself.
As Bruhn and Wolf walked around the town, they began to realize why.
They looked at how the Rosetans visited each other, stopping to chat
with each other in Italian on the street, or cooking for each other in
their backyards. They learned about the extended family clans that
underlay the town's social structure. They saw how many homes had three
generations living under one roof, and how much respect grandparents
commanded. They went to Mass at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Church and saw
the unifying and calming effect of the church. They counted twenty-two
separate civic organizations in a town of just under 2000 people. They
picked up on the particular egalitarian ethos of the town, that
discouraged the wealthy from flaunting their success and helped the
unsuccessful obscure their failures.
In transplanting the paesani culture
of southern Italy to the hills of eastern Pennsylvania the Rosetans had
created a powerful, protective social structure capable of insulating
them from the pressures of the modern world. The Rosetans were healthy
because of where they were from, because of the world they had created for themselves in their tiny little town in the hills'.
Creating this world around you with people who are on your side, who understand you, who have similar ideals, similar positive beliefs and who you can interact with regularly is key to your happiness and also to your long term health. Sense of community is absolutely key.
When looking at this idea of forming social groups to increase happiness, it is also worth mentioning that we see social grouping evidenced in negative ways too - we experience gang culture and groups of people who refuse to interact or integrate with other groups and even actively target other groups or individuals who are not in their social group and engender hate towards others. Whilst the benefits to the members of these groups is the same in terms of finding a strong sense of belonging that serves their need to feel part of something, it works against other members of society and creates a separation from society at large. A key difference here is that the group is operating out of fear and anger - it's beliefs have formed from a sense of non-acceptance from society and an anger towards others because of it. These negative forms of social groupings do not increase happiness overall or long term because of the risks associated with being in a gang (possible incarceration and the risk of being killed or badly injured by another gang being two of the obvious ones). They still provide a much needed sense of belonging though and this is why they are successful.
Robert T Muller PHD, published a study in Psychology Today that looked at 'How the need for community leads some teens to find it in gangs'. This study found the following:
'
Experts propose that young adults join gangs because they both act as
a surrogate family, as well as provide a sense of belonging, power,
control and prestige; all things that are commonly identified as absent
in childhood among gang initiates
The idea of a gang acting as a substitute family is supported in
interviews conducted by Joe Killian, a writer for the News and Record;
Killian spoke with forty gang members from Greensboro, North Carolina.
The men he interviewed reported that they considered fellow gang members
to be family and that they took care of each other. Killian found that
most of the gang members he interviewed had tattoos to publicly show
their allegiance to their particular gang, and to show pride in
belonging to the group. Several gang members said that being part of a
gang meant you were never alone in the world, which is similar to how
many people describe being part of a close-knit family or group of
friends. Gangs provide members a sense of belonging and protection they
do not receive from other relationships or experiences in life'.
We are all able to make a difference to each others lives by creating strong communities, positive communities that not only look out for each other and provide a sense of family but also that also foster a sense of working towards a common good for all - rather than being fearful of others or creating fear in others. If we want our happiness levels to increase an easy way to do this is to GET INVOLVED!
So what can we take from all this if we currently don't have an active social life? What if you are a single parent of a young child with very little support network around you? What if you are living in a country where you don't speak the language well yet and you are out there alone? What if you find it hard to feel confident in new social situations in order to go out and meet people? What if you don't have enough money to be able to join groups or go out for coffees all the time? What then? Are you destined to always feel unhappy? No, of course not and there are many ways in which you can increase your social life and create a sense of community around you. Here are some top tips for how to create a more sociable you...
1. If no community seems to exist, create your own. When I was living abroad and didn't know anyone I started a magazine that listed all the places you could go with a young child and brought together issues that parents of young children had so that I could meet new people who had that in common. Another friend of mine started a toddler group when she had children and wanted to get to know other parents. Yet another person I know loved Amateur Dramatics but couldn't find a group so they started one themselves.
2. If money is an issue, find free events that appeal to who you are and what you enjoy and see if you can attend or volunteer to help at events or in places that require volunteers. Lots of events, festivals, local tourist places etc have schemes where you can get involved and even get free tickets or free entry as a result of giving your time for free.
3. If childcare is an issue start an old fashioned babysitting circle, not only will you get free babysitting (the idea is you help each other in turns) you will also connect with other parents. Alternatively start something in your own home, do you enjoy reading? Why not host a book group once a week? Or a craft club or a discussion group or just a 'Glass of Wine at 9' type evening for local people who want to come together just to meet and be sociable?
4. If confidence is an issue look at taking a few classes or going to some talks on this first, you will meet others there too and increase your confidence to carry on meeting others at the same time. Start small and work up to bigger social occasions. Begin with maybe saying hello to the guy you see walking his dog every morning and work up to starting a conversation with a new mum at the school gates.
5. If finding like minded people is an issue list the things you are interested in, do you like politics? Why not get involved with your party of choice by joining them and helping with a campaign? Do you like walking? Why not join a local ramblers association? Find out what you enjoy and look for groups that do these types of activities. Start online if needs be but be sure to move your group online into an offline group too as some studies have shown that whilst popularity in online communities increases, there is actually a slight decrease in subjective well-being that goes hand in hand with this.
It would seem that our social life, our sense of community and therefore our sense of belonging is a key player on our path to happiness. So get yourself out there, find people you connect with and enjoy time with them...all else will follow.
