Why we never tell the truth about failure, even when we think we do.

Ok so the title perhaps sounds a little harsh...do I mean that we deliberately don't tell the truth when we are honest about our failings or our vulnerability? No. Do I mean that it is never the whole truth? Yes.

You may know what I mean when I talk about 'failure posts' or vulnerability posts as they are otherwise known. There have been a spate of them on Facebook recently that I have noticed (and yes...I too wrote one, you can read it here). These are honest accounts of how life really is and how hard it can be to achieve the success that you see in the 'wow look at me' postings of others. Or they are a way of sharing difficult experiences so that others might be able to take away comfort, greater understanding or a feeling of not being alone, when they read them.

The 'wow look at me' posts I'm talking about are the ones you see that say:

'How I made 30K in less than a month'

'How I lost a stone in a week'

'How my blog went from 20 views to 100K in a fortnight'. 

Given that this is not the reality for the majority of people (it is also the truth for some), it is hardly surprising that eventually people started feeling rubbish enough about themselves that they started shouting 'er, nope, that's not how it was for me' to make us all feel better again.

So now we have the backlash, the honesty/failure posts...the ones that reveal the fact that you haven't worn make-up for months and sitting in front of a computer composing 'Oh my God I'm so in love with my life' posts just means that you got fat and wobbly from not actually being out enjoying that life. Are these just as fake as their counterparts? What should we believe? After writing my own failure post, which was indeed the most honest I have ever been online (even my family didn't know some of those things) - I considered this question of whether it was truly honest, not because it felt fake or contained lies (it didn't ) but because I realised it was a reflection of how I was feeling at that point and had I written it on another day I might not have said things in the same way, or shared them at all - because that would have been honest too - on that day, with those different feelings and that different perspective on life.

So should we be honest and raw in our online presence or should we project an image that is appealing and aspirational to others? Is there a happy medium? Are we really being honest with our honesty posts or are we just offering a reflection of current feelings that could on another day be totally different?

Are we being honest in our honesty posts?

The short answer is no, and yes. There is an honesty there without doubt, things that are hard to admit, that we debate about sharing in case they are too raw for public consumption and may harm our reputation. We don't want to be pigeon holed by an admission of the truth when that truth becomes a past experience or state of mind that is no longer true. If you spill the beans on how things are not going so great but then they turn around and everything is going brilliantly will you forever be remembered for the time it wasn't so good and penalised for that?

The truth is only ever a snapshot in time, a reflection of the present moment. What is true for us at one time is not true at another. What is true for one person is not true for all, and therefore full truth does not really exist apart from in our minds or during a certain moment. The truth is relative and expanding and changing and individual. Honesty posts are honest in what they say but dishonest in what they leave out...whether you are leaving out the good or the bad it is still not entirely honest, just as 'wow look at me' posts are not entirely honest. We are sharing a personal perspective from a specific period of time, not telling the whole truth of who we are and it is important to remember that this holds for both the positive and negative projections that we share with others. Holding people to an image of who they were, or who they are right now, instead of who they can become is human nature to a certain extent, but it doesn't ever serve another to hold them in a space they are no longer in or no longer want to be in.

The movement towards more authentic interaction and sharing the bad along with the good leads to some interesting questions:

If we are all forced to be completely authentic and everyone learns that everyone else is just as neurotic and worried as we are and has days where they are ill or lonely or in despair...does that mean there is nothing left to aspire to?

Does life lose it's magic if we learn the truth?

Remember Christmas when you believed in Santa Claus? It seemed so magical, so exciting, so wonderful to think of this man coming down the chimney and delivering these amazing presents. What is life without belief in a little magic? Do we really want everyone to be constantly honest and remind us that the magic of Santa Claus is not real? Remember the disappointment when you found out that it was just our normal boring old parents delivering the presents?

Do we secretly have a deep need for our celebrities to be exciting creatures with wonderful lives, for the President to be amazingly powerful and dynamic, for the Royal Family to walk around in glorified splendour? Sure, sometimes it's nice to see someone famous being normal but if we are all just 'normal' at heart then where do we look for inspiration to be more than normal, to be spectacular? I think we need a bit of magic, we need a few vanity posts, we need beautiful film stars and Princes and powerful people to raise our expectations of what is possible, of finding something magical.

So is there any real magic left?

Of course...you know there is some intangible magical thread running through you when you feel emotion too difficult to put into words...when you feel your child's fingers close around yours and their head nestling into you for love and comfort. When you fall in love and find someone who fills you with desire and hope and joy. When you read a book that ignites a fire inside you to be greater than you are today. When you see sorrow in another's eyes and are moved to help them, to offer them your hand in solidarity, to notice them and validate them. When you hear a song that moves you to tears or laugh until your stomach muscles knot. There is so much magic in the world, it is not for the few, it is not for the successful alone, it is not just for men or just for women, it is not judgemental, it does not only come after you have meditated, read a certain book or made a certain amount of money – it is there, all the time. True magic.

So should we be honest or be aspiring?

I think we should be honest (read authentic...I think it is a much better description) – and being authentic is about the good and the bad combined, it is honesty in all parts of who we are, rather than a series of confessions of where we went wrong. Life is not all bad, or all good, it changes, sometimes minute to minute, that is the honest truth.

So aspire to be greater than you are, be honest in knowing that any part of truth spoken is only a snapshot of a greater truth. Share the human experience in all it's forms so that we can not only recognise ourselves and each other but that we can remember that the outcome to life is never that we rose or that we fell, but that we did both and we held hands across the waves with each other as we did so. 

Love Nova xxx 

Reclaiming your Mojo Coaching Call - Part 4

So this is your fourth and final part of the Coaching Call series on Reclaiming your Mojo from my Radio show on South Waves Radio. I hope that it has been really helpful to you and that it has given you some clarity and ideas on how to proceed and to feel really energised and excited about life again!

If you would like to take this work further or if  you would like Coaching on any area in your life please get in touch or book your free Coaching Call 45min slot with me.

If you would like to find out more about my packages you can click through to the links that tell you more about each one:

Spiritual Balance Coaching 

Great for anyone who wants to integrate Spiritual Guidance with a practical plan for moving forward

VIP Intensive Day Retreats 

Great for those who want to achieve a huge amount in a short space of time and within a luxury setting

Esteem Queen Package 

Great for anyone who wants to work specifically on self esteem over a six week period

Love Living Package 

Great for anyone who knows that there is one of more areas of their live where they are no longer feeling the love or when they know they are not living the life they would really love to live, this three month package looks at all the areas of your life where you want to make changes.

Enjoy the final episode in this series and here's to reclaiming your mojo!

Reclaim your Mojo Coaching Call - Part 3

Welcome to part three of the Coaching Call series from my Radio Show slot on Reclaiming your Mojo! Hopefully if you are following along you have already got some great ideas and clarity from this four part course...looking forward to delivering the fourth and final part tomorrow.

If you already know that you want to Reclaim your Mojo and want to find out how I can help you take this to the next level then why not book a free 45 min slot to clarify how my soulful approach can help you get that balance and wellbeing that you so want to feel again. Have you looked at my Spiritual Balance Coaching and how it all works yet? Have a look here to find out more about how my bespoke approach can work for you.

Enjoy the third episode and hope that your mojo is already returning!

Reclaim your Mojo Coaching Call - Part 2

Here is part two of the Coaching Call series for Reclaiming your Mojo!! Packed full of practical ideas, suggestions and exercises to try out from my Radio Show Slot! Enjoy!

Remember that if you would like to book a free Coaching Call with me to discover how you can Reclaim your Mojo you can book your free 45 min session here

Book Coaching Call

Reclaim your Mojo Coaching Call - Part 1

I have a weekly radio show on South Waves Radio and have recently done a four part series of Coaching Calls to help you Reclaim your Mojo!

Here is part one of a series of four for you to follow if you missed the show...these four Coaching Calls will show you how to find yourself again and work through the things that might be holding you back. They are packed full of info and exercises for you to try - have a listen and see if they can help you feel amazing again.

It's not just for radio this stuff though! You can work with me personally too and it all starts with a free Coaching Call to see where you are now and where you would like to be...if you would like to book your free slot with me to discuss your situation and get some answers then please click the link below to find a time slot that suits you to talk over Skype or the good old telephone for 45 mins with me.

Book Your Coaching Call 

10 Steps to Dream Interpretation - How it can uncover your secret blocks!

No one really knows the reason that we dream...we are unsure of its purpose, if it even has a purpose, what it might mean and whether it is ever useful to us to look at them further.

Whatever you feel about the reasons behind dreaming I have found it to be a very useful tool in uncovering some of our more hidden thoughts and feelings. Dream interpretation was covered in my training as a Psychotherapist and I have used it on myself and my clients many times when a significant dream has been remembered and the insights can be quite astonishing.

So - how can you interpret your dreams and find out what insights they might hold for you? 

1) Begin by writing down as much as possible about what you remember.
I have a special journal for this purpose as keeping all your dream notes together in one place can help you pick out patterns and themes that can be very interesting to look at over time.

2) Note down everything that you felt in the dream too.
The feelings, colours and thoughts that surrounded your dream are a key part of discovering more about it's meaning. If you had a dream where you were flying and felt very frightened this would have a very different meaning to a dream where the same event occurred but you felt free and joyous (as a simple example).

3) Next look at all the characters in your dream that where there.
Are they people you know? Strangers? What were their characteristics in the dream, did they look different but in the dream you knew it was a certain person? Were they someone you have not thought of for a while, someone you don't like, someone who was dressed in a completely different way to how you normally see them? Write it all down, every detail that you can remember.

4) How did you appear in the dream?
What age were you? Were you in the dream at all? What role did you take in the dream? Were you powerful, afraid, concerned, did you take the role of leader in the events, the role of the nurturer? Understanding who you are in the dream is a key indicator of what you are feeling - whether that is that you wish to be more like the person in the dream or less like them!

5) The Gestalt theory of dream interpretation.
This theory takes every object, person and event in a dream and looks at how this is an aspect of the self. I had a very interesting session when I was training where I had a dream about a robot - we looked at the idea of 'if I am the robot, how does that mean I am feeling?' I could then look at the automated response, the shut down of emotions and the metal barrier that formed the robot and use that to look at how I might BE the robot in my life and then to decide whether I accepted this idea or wanted to change it. Have a go at looking for significant objects in your dream and seeing how they might be a reflection of you - if you have a dream about a sink (for example), how might this reflect you at the moment? Are you letting things slip away down the metaphorical plug hole? Do you want to clean things up in your life? Do you need refreshing with the purity of water? Do you want to contain something in your life that seems to be to fluid to capture and hold onto? Are you the container for someone else's or your own feelings? Are you the person who cleans up others mess? What does a sink mean for you? Look at your own feelings within the dream to match it with your interpretation.

6)  Draw some of the significant surroundings for your dream.
I make lots of sketches in my journal of doorways or gates or rooms that at the time felt significant so that I can remember them and interpret them later. I look at all kinds of things within these sketches - how old was the door, it is crumbing, inviting, closed, open, is there darkness beyond or light? Am I feeling worried about going through the door or excited? Will the door open for me? Is there a key? Hopefully you are beginning to see how even the smallest of details can build up a really important and deep picture for you.

7) Make a note of anything you remember saying in the dream.
I once wrote in my journal a line that I spoke that to me felt like it was very 'telling' of my situation even though I didn't immediately know how to interpret it - I had said 'It is safer for you to go down first as it isn't too far to fall if the stairs collapsed'. I wrote this down and then came back to look at it once I had scribbled down the rest of the dream. I also noted that the staircase was spiraled and that there was a lever on the stairs that you had to pull in order to reveal more of the staircase. I later interpreted my words to show my fear of taking the lead incase I had the responsibility of the whole thing collapsing around me, I also realised that this was because I couldn't see the whole of the journey in front of me yet and didn't enjoy this feeling of treading into the unknown. The lever was a call to action that would show me the way if I was brave enough to take that action instead of just watching others do it.

8) Dreams that seem really worrying are not always what they seem.
I once had a horrendous dream that I had killed someone, I had poisoned them and then hidden the body and lived in total fear of being found out. The police came round to investigate and I was terrified of what was going to happen - they went to the cupboard where I had hidden the body and it was nowhere to be seen. I couldn't understand it and wondered if I had imagined the whole thing but knew that it was real...I awoke from that dream and it stayed with me all day - even now I can recall it vividly and this dream was about 15 years ago! It was not a dream about me wanting to murder this person though, nor was it a repressed memory where I had done something awful and my subconscious was reminding me of it...it was a dream of being found out...the old imposter syndrome feeling...it took quite a lot of careful looking and analysing to realise that though!

9) Choose your Dreams wisely.
Dreams that you wake up and think - wow, that was odd or that was epic or that was bizzare are probably the ones you want to look at. I have had dreams where I have woken up in hysterics because they are so hilarious (actually they normally aren't hilarious at all...I once had a dream that I got my foot stuck in a sink as I walked past it...apart from this being physically impossible it wasn't at all funny when I recounted it to someone else and yet I could not stop laughing when I awoke!!) and these are nice to note down too but they may not tell you as much about yourself as the dream where the huge yellow and red spiders are chasing you.

10) Look for the patterns.
When you look back at your journal and see the ways in which dreams have common themes you can start to pull together a picture of what is going on in your subconscious that you may want to deal with. If you have a similar feeling running through your dreams (fear) for example, or you often dream about doorways, or you regularly dream of a notebook you used to have then make that a priority for further exploration.

11) As a bonus tip...Sometimes there is just no explaining dreams.
I had a reoccurring dream about a room in my childhood home that no one knew about, it would change form as a room but the common theme was that it was a hidden room, that it was full of papers and documents and that I would always be amazed to discover it. The funny thing is, not so long ago, I met the woman who is now living in my childhood home and she told me after many years of living there they had found a room they knew nothing about and it was full of books and papers...what do you make of that??!

What is the strangest or most significant dream you have ever had? Maybe we can explore it together and look at what it might mean for you...You could even look at this in a FREE discovery session with me. Click below to book your session and happy dreaming!!

Book a FREE Half hour session

 

Love Nova xxx

Spiritual Balance Coaching - What is it and How can it Help You?

So what is Spiritual Balance Coaching?

Spiritual Balance Coaching is my own brand and blend of Coaching, Counselling and Spirituality. It has been developed over several years and has so far only been used exclusively on retreats. It is a very personalised approach to your Coaching which involves creating a spiritual experince within your coaching journey. Sessions will introduce:

• personalised meditations,
• card readings,
• reiki healing,
• Bach Flower Remedies
• EFT sessions

depending on what is right for you and where the sessions guide us to go. Your own 'prescription' of sessions will be created with you at the very beginning to outline 5 powerful and meaningful sessions. This is blended with Coaching and Counselling techniques to bring you a truely unique experience matched to your current state and with your desired outcomes in mind.


Who is it for?

If you have been thinking about making changes in your life or know you have reached a point where SOMETHING HAS to change and you also know that to do this you want to approach it from a holistic point of view - with thought to what is meant for you from the Universe then this is an approach that may suit you well. Do you want to:

Find out why a relationship is experiencing difficulties and resolve this?
Find love?
Explore a business idea?
Find out who you are and what you are meant to do?
Regain your love of life and feel in control of your destiny?
Enjoy life again and break through those issues that have held you back?


Spiritual Balance Coaching is a dynamic but gentle approach that doesn't tell you what to do but guides you to what is meant for you through your own intiution and through accessing universal knowledge to enhance your understanding and tap into what your soul has been trying to tell you.

What happens in the sessions?

Every session is one to one over Skype or phone and lasts for an hour and a half. These are longer sessions that normal because I believe that the time we spend together is precious and needs to be offered with plenty of time to work through the various issues, thoughts and feelings without leaving you without the answers you seek for too long. Most coaching sessions are 45 mins to an hour and sometimes this is just not long enough to explore and also to apply the exploration in a meditation or a reading. The sessions will be created together according to what is best for you. We would normally start with a session to understand where you are right now, with me listening carefully to what you are feeling and what it is that you want to achieve and perhaps a card reading to better understand the deeper issues that may be at play. I will then mix a personalised Bach Flower Remedy for you and send it to you in the post for you to take throughout the time we are working together. Each session is designed to transform you and bring you to a deeper understanding of your blueprint for the soul.

How Much Does it Cost?

I ordinarily offer these sessions for £200 a time but I have decided to open 5 spaces for 5 people to have a block of 5 sessions with me. The cost for all 5 sessions is £550 and includes all materials, your Bach Flower Remedy, Card Readings, Homework, Support Materials, Recordings of our sessions and email support between sessions. Remember all sessions are also 90mins. This is incredible value and I will only be offering it at this price for the first 5 people to take up the offer. I may open more spaces at a later date for this but the price will not remain at this level beyond the first five spaces.

How can I Secure my Sessions at this Price?

To ensure you get one of the 5 spaces you will need to pay a deposit of £200 straight away and book your regular time slot with me for the 5 sessions. The remaining amount is due before we start our first session but you can book it now, pay the deposit and then start when you are ready - the deposit secures your place at this special price but there is no need to start immediately if you are not ready to begin just yet.

I'm Ready to Secure my Place

To make sure you are one of the 5 please click here to secure your place and pay your deposit of £200 (via paypal) or in full if you would like to start straight away. To check if your preferred time and day is available for your sessions please email me on: info@lovelivingevents.co.uk

Love Nova xxx