'Tell Out My Soul'....
For some reason I have had that hymn in my head since I woke up this morning and I have no idea why! I haven't sung a hymn since I was in school as far as I recall but those four words were stuck in my mind like a broken tape recorder. Sometimes words come into your head for a reason though and when I sat down to write this piece I suddenly knew exactly why!
Self Belief is all about telling others what is in your soul without fear of rejection or shame...it is being confident enough to say 'this is who I am'.
Self belief is such an on-going battle for many of us, we know our own failures and failings like the back of our hand...we have intimate knowledge of how many times we have messed up, of how many things we said that we shouldn't have, of how many horrible thoughts we have had and it all adds up to wondering if we aren't therefore, the worst person we know. Who would want to believe in someone who is basically making life up as they go along, who often feels out of their depth, or worried, or afraid, or unsure? At the core of self belief is the battle between the fear that we are not good enough and the love that we have for ourselves because we know how good our intentions always are. When it is only yourself that you are battling with how do you know which part of you to believe?
Our self belief can be affected by many things, our childhoods, our experiences, what we were told by the influential people in our lives over the years and also what we tell ourselves. What is the script that runs through your head? Are you nice to yourself? Or do you run over your failures and short comings in a punishing way? It's worth having a listen to your self talk sometimes...I bet you are far harder on yourself than you would dream of being to anyone else.
Monitoring your self talk is one of the best things you can do for your self belief. Every time you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself try to imagine what you would say to someone else if they told you that thought about themselves. If your friend told you they thought they were useless and bound to fail would you let them carry on with this belief or would you try to offer them a different belief? You might point out a time that you know of when this clearly wasn't true...that time they listened to you and made you feel better...that wasn't useless, that was the thing that made your day better! Try doing this for yourself and over time you will start to remember that the negative self talk just doesn't serve you.
Doing what serves you is another important thing to remember - does it serve you to be down on yourself? Does it serve you to stay within a negative thought pattern about yourself or does it only serve to keep you where you are and reinforce that belief that you are not good enough? Would it serve you better to instead believe that you are just as good as, just as capable as, just as wonderful as the people around you? Yes, of course, and in turn it serves others too because you allow them to feel ok with having self belief too. Think of the child who has been brought up never to boast but never really understood the difference between what is seen as boasting and what is simple self belief - it's possible that with this underlying their self worth they will pass on to others the idea that self belief is unattractive, unwanted and bad - we need to show our children the difference between confidence and arrogance, self belief and boasting, honesty and cruelty....
How can you make the often tricky transition between feeling more confident without slipping into arrogance (which is often a sign of lack of true self belief)? Is confidence an outward or an inward thing? Do you need to appear confident to have a sure sense of self? We often hear that confidence comes from within but what does that really mean and how do we start? The best way to start is to give confidence to someone else, to boost the self esteem and self belief of another.
When you give confidence to someone else you are also giving that gift to yourself, it takes someone who is comfortable in their own skin to give a genuine compliment to another, to help someone along the way to success, to say 'wow, you are really great at that' and mean it. The more you can help others feel good the better you will feel yourself and you side step the worry of appearing arrogant.
Try it, see how it feels, watch how your own self belief grows when you are able to see and comment on how well others are doing it. This is not about putting yourself down either, it doesn't work to say 'God you are so lucky, I wish I could be as good as you'...this is about stating who you are by reminding others how great they are too.
My top tips for increasing self belief without arrogance are:
1. Cause someone else to have greater self belief
2. Watch the self talk in your head and tell yourself a different truth
3. Ask yourself how well your beliefs are serving your life and let go of those that hold you back.
4. Remember there is a difference between being honest with yourself and being cruel.
5. Know that there is also a difference between stating who you are and stating that you are better than another (confidence V arrogance).
6. Remember that you are not the only one...we all have times of deep self doubt, we all know we have messed up sometimes, the difference comes when you decide whether to hold on to this or to let it go and forgive yourself. Self belief is knowing that you are human and can make mistakes without thinking you are less worthy because of it.
We have a talk coming up soon for how to understand confidence and how to increase your own confidence. If you would like to attend and see the wonderful Charlie Wardle then you can book below or link to the website page www.lovelivingevents.co.uk to find out more.
It's time to 'Tell out' your soul...
